IF WE DON'T GET NO TOLLS THEN WE DON'T EAT NO ROLLS

Starbucks at the Seelbach has become a sort of laboratory for bits. One created in tandem with Lang Leichhardt features one of our crappier products--the multigrain roll. This pastry is worthless. Anyway, we end up with about ten of them at the end of the night--which means they go in the garbage can. So, in an effort to "redeem" them, Lang and I created a new use.

Whenever you see a girl you think is pretty walking past the store on Fourth Street, you grab a roll, walk outside, throw it at her (hoping to hit her square in the back), and yell "I LIKE YOU!"

WORLD RECORDS

A bit I always wanted to try in college was inspired by an infamous board game played on Carson-Newman's campus a few years before my arrival. Some students at my alma mater hold the world record for the longest game of Monopoly ever (which sounds like torture to me)...several days long.

My idea was to phone the folks at the Guinness Book and claim to have broken some records of my own...but all of them subjective. So for instance, the call would go something like: "Yeah, I think I broke the record for having the longest streak of bad days in a row." Or, "I just told the funniest joke ever. Could someone from your organization come out to verify?"

BAND NAMES

A shtick that me, Brandon West (the Beast) and Shawn Trent went to work on at the Marriott Starbucks was coming up with band names. One of my favorites is Redcoat Wilson. I describe their sound as 18th century colonial rock with british sympathies. Every member of the band has a tattoo on their right arm which reads 1775.

THE CHILD PERRY WEPSI

Early on in college, John Power and I got into the delightful habit of exchanging the first letters of compound words, or names. For example, our college, Carson-Newman became "Narson Cewman", etc. One afternoon while I was enjoying some Papa Johns pizza, I switched the letters around on my 2 liter of Wild Cherry Pepsi and came up with the name that appears atop this blog.

From there, in conjunction with John, we created the character to fit the name. The Child Perry Wepsi was a British child star in the fifties. He rose to fame as the winningest contender on a British quiz show (never titled by me or John). The shtick basically entails a montage of several of Perry's answers from this quiz show. You never hear the question...the camera zooms in at different angles on the Child and you hear his answers (in typical british child accent) to unheard questions,every few montaged answers followed by the British host saying, "That is correct" (in typical adult british accent). The answers come from very different categories. So you'll hear:

The Child Perry Wepsi: "24...The Straight of Gibraltar...dalmatian puppies...Ming dynasty..."

British Announcer: "That is correct."

JONATHAN HANNA

Jonathan Hanna was my best friend growing up. From age 5 or 6 until 22, if I was in South Carolina, I was spending time with Jonathan. Not only was he the only Christian I knew growing up (and a Christian who was faithful to share the Gospel with me), but he remains one of the funniest people I've ever known. Several of my shticks were developed in conjunction with Jonathan. For example, Jonathan was the one to come up with the idea to come up with ideas for TV shows.

Although this blog is named after a bit created in conjunction with John Power (my dear friend from college), I consider 'funny John Power' as a sort of shadow or type of the reality of funny--Jonathan (even though this reverses the order of biblical typology which always proceeds in time and space from type to antitype).

What I'd like to do with this blog is exactly what Jonathan and I did for 17 years--put down anything I think of, alone or in conjunction with dear brothers, that is notably funny.